I'm back and............I'm PREGNANT - whoo hoo!!

Is anybody out there still reading? I hope so!

Okay - first let me apologise for me lack of blogging over the past couple of months. As you can see by the title, I am pregnant - YAY and that is the reason I haven't been blogging - I wanted to get to a safer part of the pregnancy before I announced it to you all. I am now 13 weeks pregnant and we couldn't be happier about it. As many of you know, the main reason that I got the band in the first place was to help IVF. We have been trying for years and now to be pregnant, well, I just couldn't be happier.

So, some updates - what has been going on?

Firstly, the pregnancy is a high risk one because of the multitude of issues that I have. I am seeing a high risk OB and so far everything is going well. The first 12 weeks were tough with the morning sickness and I realised that I don't really know the difference between feeling nauseous and feeling hungry - certainly one of my previous issues, that's for sure! Thankfully the majority of the morning sickness has now passed though I am still pretty tired. Gosh there were some weekends where I didn't even go outside I was feeling so sick and exhausted! I am hoping that I will get some of that second trimester energy soon - our house needs some organising before the baby comes and that is for certain!

I have found that many of the feelings that I had before I had the Lap Band placed have come back. I started to document the growing stomach from 6 weeks onwards and my mind was in such a bad place sometimes that I felt that I was back to my heaviest weight and I would be very surprised to see my 'not too bad' figure in the photo's that the husband has been taking. I always thought I would be one to cope fine with putting on weight in pregnancy because I had lost and gained weight so many times before but I have had to handle some pretty serious panic attacks about my weight over the past couple of months. I feel I am getting better and better though.

Being pregnant with the band is interesting. My OB's first question when he knew that I had a Lap Band was 'have you had all of the fluid taken out?' - to which the answer is a resounding 'no'. Though I did tell him that I was able to eat well and I could always go back to get more taken out if I need to. I haven't in actual fact had any fluid taken out since before Thailand and have not had any put back in. It has been tighter some days that others but generally it is at a manageable level at the moment and I am certainly able to eat a variety of foods and get enough calories in for myself and the baby. The most important thing to me at the moment is the health of the baby and myself so I am concentrating on eating as healthily as possible. That doesn't mean that I haven't had some slip ups, I certainly have but I am trying not to beat myself up over it and now that the morning sickness is abating, to be more organised with healthier options. I am having a big cookup tomorrow to be organised so I have healthy snacks available and food in the freezer in case I can't be bothered cooking (or the smell is too revolting - I tell you, I have a bionic nose at the moment!!).

An interesting side effect of being pregnant and my changing shape is that I don't know how the hell to dress!!! All my life I have been a classic pear shape and I have become pretty adept at dressing to enhance my good points and skim over my not so great ones. Now that I am pregnant, my boobs have gone up two sizes, I have no waist and of course, my stomach is growing! Any pointers that any of you have to dress appropriately for the 'looking fat rather than pregnant' stage of pregnancy for pears shapes would be most appreciated!

Another interesting side effect of the pregnancy (which of course we all would expect) is that the hunger is back. I had so long without really feeling any hunger, to now get hungry again is a bit strange. Sometimes I still panic because I think 'oh crap I feel sick' and then I realise that I am just hungry but I do have to be careful not to get too hungry because I do actually feel quite sick if I do feel very hungry. It is an intesting time to look at hunger - previously, I have had a lot of trouble with hunger - I have feared it. After the band, there was still that fear though I always have the option that I can fix it by going to get a fill. Now I am working on dealing with my fear of hunger and one of the ways is to realise that it is a way of nurturing the baby.

Emotionally I am finding it quite tough. Tough because I am constantly worried which I suppose is normal after having so much trouble getting pregnant in the first place - that, however, does not make it any easier to take. I tell you, my emotional coping strategies have been put under some serious strain of late though I am happy to report that I am not emotionally eating anywhere near what I used to. I go to weekly ultrasound appointments (because of the high riskiness of the pregnancy) from this Friday onwards so that should be able to alleviate my fears on a weekly basis (I hope!).

Great to be back, gang - boy do I have some reading to catch up on!!